Running out of polite ways to deal with solicitors.

"Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo" (thetomselleck) 04/22/2019 at 20:29 • Filed to: asking me to buy things is like asking Jake to not buy things

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Had to actually close the door while the guy was still talking.

Usual scenario: doorbell rings, dog goes nuts, and two 19*-year olds standing with frozen smiles and clipboards.

“Can I help you?”

“Hello, sir! How are you today?”

“Fine...?” as I try to get my dog away from the screen.

They stretch their badges out to me, tethered by lanyards around their necks.

“We are here to offer you an exciting opportunity —”

“Not interested.”

“Do you have frontier?”

“Nope I’m good, thank you.”

I motion to close the door. He keeps going.

“Well most people who have Xfinity set up are eligible for —”

“NOT INTERESTED. Thank you.”

“We —”

Slam.

Deadbolt.

No means no, you annoying fucks.

Thank you for reading.

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.

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.* - To ChariotofLove: 

Deltyn drives a meh car > Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo 04/22/2019 at 20:33

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Agressive sales tactics call for agressive refusals. I’ve had to do this myself. I kind of enjoyed it.

Stapleface-Now Hyphenated! > Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo 04/22/2019 at 20:34

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I have a sign I put in my sidelite that reads “if you were not invited, please don’t ring the bell”. It works pretty well. Then a gain , so does someone seeing my mean looking 70 lb pitbull staring at them from the window next to the door. I don’t get many solicitors anymore.

Wuelling > Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo 04/22/2019 at 20:40

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You answer your door? I just let people knock. Even though I'm clearly in the living room watching Netflix/hockey

Chariotoflove > Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo 04/22/2019 at 20:40

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Sees asterisk.

Scrolls down to find footnote. Sees none.

Eye twitches. 

NKato > Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo 04/22/2019 at 20:41

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Put up a sign. It says: "No Soliciting. Violators will be considered trespassers."

nFamousCJ - Keeper of Stringbean, Gengars and a Deezul > Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo 04/22/2019 at 20:50

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This has worked like a dream 

Azrek > Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo 04/22/2019 at 21:01

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Ahh...I have limited folks visit me. I scared a potential Senator off once and that was good enough to get ignored fo r life. My current issue is my phone number is outta Chattanooga...but I live in Florida. So I get political calls and offers for Newspapers. I say Yes to all of them and tell them my address is Florida. They apologize and remove me from their lists...I am a dick.

WilliamsSW > Chariotoflove 04/22/2019 at 21:01

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I need to know the clarification of their age dammit!

WilliamsSW > Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo 04/22/2019 at 21:03

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“ polite ways”

Who the hell needs those?

“ nopesorrynotintereste ddonthavetimegoawayNAObye"

Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo > Chariotoflove 04/22/2019 at 21:03

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My original draft auto corrected to "two 10-year olds" and I had to make a hurried edit should someone have noticed.

Quadradeuce > Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo 04/22/2019 at 21:08

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I’m currently replacing the stairs on my front porch.  Not having stairs pretty much solves this issue.  I may never get around to replacing them.

Svend > Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo 04/22/2019 at 21:08

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I just tell them no thanks and shut the door before anything else is said.

If it’s the God squad, I’ll notify neighbours to keep away from the front doors for the next half an hour or so.

If I'm washing the car and they come up and say hi, I'll say hi, but as soon as they start their sales pitch I cut them off, 'I'm not interested in broadband, double glazing or God, thank you. Take care. 

Highlander-Datsuns are Forever > Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo 04/22/2019 at 21:23

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When I tell them to GTFAC I get a quizzical look.

ranwhenparked > Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo 04/22/2019 at 21:27

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You should have a stack of religious pamphlets ready by the door to hand out, and start talking to them enthusiastically as soon as you open the door. Scientology would work well, or maybe from one of those snake handler churches. Guarantee they’ll take you off their prospect list.

Of course, it could backfire, and the guy could actually be really interested. 

smobgirl > Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo 04/22/2019 at 21:33

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I had some Mormon missionaries stop by once when I had a very escape-prone cat. I opened the door, grabbed her at the threshold, and stood there for a moment swearing quietly  while she clawed all of the skin off my arms. It’s the only time I’ve ever had a religious solicitor apologize for bothering me and leave without returning.

OPPOsaurus WRX > Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo 04/22/2019 at 21:37

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wow, I didn’ t realize salesmen go door to door any more. It must have been at a business?  You should engage them and slowly turn the conversation and see if you can convince then to buy the pickup.

shop-teacher > Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo 04/22/2019 at 21:39

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I lost my patience with one from a company who showed up seven damn times to try and sell me a “free” roof. On that seventh time I was weed whacking when he interrupted me. I proceeded to unleash a chain of verbal diarrhea that I have never before or since equalled. I screamed it at the top of my lungs, because I couldn’t be bothered to shut the weed whacker off. Assbag finally stopped coming around after that.

The best part about when we finally replaced the roof, wasn't the piece of mind of knowing my house wouldn't start leaking. It was getting all the damned roofing scammers to stop bothering me.

Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo > shop-teacher 04/22/2019 at 21:41

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I dislike the remodel and window solicitings I seem to be attracting. I basically feel like people are commenting that my house looks like shit.

Chariotoflove > Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo 04/22/2019 at 22:11

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Ah!

Thank you.  I can sleep now.

shop-teacher > Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo 04/22/2019 at 22:14

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I still get the window guys, despite the fact that I have already replaced all of the windows myself. I'm surprised I don't get painters knocking on my door, because my house desperately needs a paint job.

fintail > Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo 04/22/2019 at 22:33

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One plus of my shoebox, it is in a secured building.  What’s a solicitor?  Several years ago some Comcast kids got in, and a few residents lost their shit.

Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo > fintail 04/22/2019 at 22:37

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You're saying I'm being targeted for having a turret and not a box? This is shape-ism.

fintail > Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo 04/22/2019 at 22:46

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People see that castle and think a tycoon must live there.

Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo > fintail 04/22/2019 at 22:47

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No, they just see a shabby lawn and dirty siding that's lowering their property valyoooos

fintail > Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo 04/22/2019 at 23:00

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Castle with a turret and a fawncy Lexus in the driveway, they see Scrooge McDuck’s vault/swimming pool.

AfromanGTO > Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo 04/22/2019 at 23:31

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Answer the door and start taking clothes off slowly. Maintain eye contact the whole time. They leave pretty quick.

Carbon Fiber Sasquatch > nFamousCJ - Keeper of Stringbean, Gengars and a Deezul 04/23/2019 at 00:00

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Works on everything except Mormons and Jehovah's Witnesses around here. Best $10 I ever spent

ITA97, now with more Jag @ opposite-lock.com > Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo 04/23/2019 at 11:26

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For me, the Head of Household security threatening their lives after they ring the door bell kind of sets the tone, and my “not interested” after they say about five words is enough to make them go away (as the Head of Household security is still threatening them, just from the behind the door in the next room). Anyone we know, and our local delivery guys and mailman, knows to never, ever, ring my doorbell.

At the ring of the doorbell, the German Shepard will often leap spectacularly over the back of the couch and begin threatening them in mid air. Once at the front door, she like to rear up and pound her front paws on the door to go along with the verbal threats. She’s not messing around, and no one has ever wanted to challenge her at the front door.

She’s a big baby, to exactly three people in the world (actually, she’s made friends with the folks that work at the doggie country club kennel over the years, too ) . Anyone else is liable to get taken to ground by her without a very careful introduction.

StndIbnz, Drives a MSRT8 > Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo 04/23/2019 at 15:03

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I just dont answer the door.  Way easier.  2 dogs going nuts as well helps to just make people walk away earlier.

StndIbnz, Drives a MSRT8 > ITA97, now with more Jag @ opposite-lock.com 04/23/2019 at 15:06

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Awwww, but she’s so cute!

I have one of the same kind of Head of Housholds.  She likes a certain set of people, the rest can fuck right off.  She goes to bed when we have friends over.....